ohhellocrissy

When I go for a walk and happen to go past your place 

occasionally I will look over towards where I imagine you to be.

It’s a habit I haven’t quite broken yet.

On a wintery evening you were at my place in

an attempt to reforge our relationship. 

After an ending that tore so much apart, 

this was a starting over that already felt like heartbreak.

A request for my password caught me off guard.

I couldn’t remember it fast enough. 

The pause making it seem like I didn’t want you to have it 

and perceptions are what they are

on both sides, this is a thing 

I think of when walking by.

You might never think of that.

Or about the half hearted attempts, that

accompanied half hearted smiles, we made

after that night to keep trying, so we eventually stopped.

Because sometimes growing apart is just

a part of relationships, and growth is 

having the heart to acknowledge that.

Each time I stop from looking over at your place when I walk by

the frequency, or infrequency, will start to reflect 

the level of can’t in our relationship.

And I will not wonder if, when you walk past my place 

do you look where you imagine me to be,

out of habit not yet broken.